I'm a Slacker

Seriously. I haven't been updating my blog well at all the last few weeks. In all honesty, I have been a bit busy... Not only was I sick with the dreaded cold for over 3 weeks, but I had to grade papers (and I was VERY behind since I was sick) and I also picked up some more hours at work. After this week though...my life will become a little more boring.

Why is that? Well...I mentioned a little while ago that I had quit my job. I gave my bosses two months notice. In reality, I wanted to quit then and there (as we all know how much I really love this job....), but I know during December they are short staffed, and I didn't feel it would be right to do so. So I decided to stick it out until right before Christmas. Well, it seems I didn't have to do that. We got the schedule for December, and my hours have been cut in half. Some weeks, more then half. I feel as if I am being punished for quitting. Some days, I don't go in until 3:00pm and work until 5:00pm. What is the point of that? There really is no point. In fact, it takes me 25 minutes to drive in to work. I feel like it is a waste of gas and my time. But, I am too nice to go in and tell them that it is BS and I shouldn't even bother. Not only did they cut my hours back, but they took me out of the one room where I knew all the kids and moved me to a different one where I don't know any of the kids. I guess I can say without a doubt that I made the right decision in quitting. I just wish now that I had the balls to tell them that unless I have more hours, I don't want to come back after Thanksgiving. I guess I'm not really sure what kind of people feel it is ok to cut a person's hours back without telling them...and also think it is feasible for people to come in in the middle of the afternoon for such a short time. I quit because it was not the right job for me...I wasn't happy...it was a pain in the behind...and the people I worked for were not too pleasant. But I guess the right thing to do would have been to stay right? Not give them notice?

Who knows. I can't say I'm not happy for a little free time. I just don't like feeling like I'm wasting my time, which is what I will be doing several days over the next month as I drive for an hour...to work two. Ugh.

Anyway, hopefully, I'll have some more time and motivation to post now that I'll be home more...and not coming home exhausted and in need of just plain old me time!

Dear Mr Police Trooper,

Thank you for ruining my day today. $109 is not easy to come by you know, and could pay for many NECESSARY items like food and gas. Thank you for pulling me over, when yes I might have been going somewhat faster then I should have been going, but had zoned out while chewing on my Twizzler, instead of the person who was driving much faster then I was (yes, I saw him pass me not too long before you pulled me over). Thank you for not taking in to consideration my perfect driving record when deciding to give me a ticket, or the fact you falsely accused me of having a bottle of alcohol in my car.

Thank you for making me think that next time I feel crappy, I should just stay home and in bed. And next time my hubby is home sick and I just want to stay home with him, that that is what I should do.

Does it give you joy to charge people outrageous fines in an already poor economy? Ponder that Mr. Police Trooper, while sitting in your cruiser eating your donuts. Some of us actually have to get off our butts to make a living.

Yours Truly,

Wolf

Growl.

Ok, I did not plan on coming on my blog to vent again...but...I just got done reading an article that was posted on a blog I check regularly My Yellowstone Wolves, because, lets face it I love wolves (and one time went to Yellowstone and hoped to see those wolves, but they were out of the region when we were there), and I am quite fired up. It was a nice article. Interesting, especially in terms of seeing how the wolves have adapted and how they are living. But what made me so angry were the comments left by ignorant people who feel that wolves should be removed from Yellowstone and all shot because they have no right to be there. This is a topic that is EXTREMELY touchy with so many people and has been controversial from the start. I'm not going to dive that deep into it. I can bet you could guess where I stand.

BUT WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO KILL OFF A SPECIES BECAUSE WE FEEL IT IS HURTING US FINANCIALLY OR EVEN "KILLING" MORE THEN IT SHOULD BE. THEY WERE HERE LONG BEFORE WE STARTED RAISING COWS (a domesticated animal, that would be worthless if we didn't eat them for meat), AND IT IS NOT OUR DECISION AS TO WHAT ANIMALS HAVE A RIGHT TO LIVE OR DIE. OR EVEN WHERE THEY LIVE.

Ok. Just had to get that off my chest. As I stated in an earlier post, we don't have the right to kill off a species. I can understand population control (even though you will never see me kill during hunting season), but it is so wrong to think that just because, as some people say, "we are the superior species," that we play God. Once they are gone, we will never get them back people. And they were put here for a reason, just like mosquitos and deer and skunks. We might not agree with the reason, but you won't know it until they are gone. And by then, it will be too late to correct.

I'll get off my soap box now.

What Gives Us the Right?

Something quick tonight. I was looking at MSN.com today, as I normally do, because that is one of my news places, and came across the following article.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26471839/?GT1=43001

There is something here that bothers me, and oddly enough, B and I were talking about earlier today in regard to wolves.

"But Shirley Kudma, who ranches in the basin with her husband, Donald, said the prevalence of plague confirms the predictions of ranchers overrun by prairie dogs in the past decade. They argued more should have been done to limit the spread of prairie dogs because the hungry rodents strip the ground of grass and leave little for cattle.

'Nature took care of it, didn't it?" Shirley Kudma said. "There's the plague and the prairie dogs, and that's nature taking care of the expansion.'

Ranchers don't want to wipe out prairie dogs, she said.

'I think we want to get along. We want to be able to survive just the same as the prairie dogs want to survive. We don't want to annihilate them. We don't. Just get them under control so they're not sick. Give the ferrets something healthy to eat.'"

Ok, here is my problem with human beings. We seem to think that as long as we are surviving, it doesn't matter what we harm. Who cares if we wipe out populations of animals (once extinct, they are NEVER coming back people), as long as our cattle (that do immeasurable harm to land) have enough to eat and don't get killed.

Back in the day, all of the wolves in the Yellowstone area were KILLED on purpose. ALL of them. Even BABY wolves. Why? Because ranchers were upset that wolves were killing their animals. Well, I'm sorry, but I don't agree with killing an ENTIRE breed/species of animal so that a few heads of cattle are saved. The fact of the matter is that wolves are a very misunderstood animal. But in the long run, they were in the area long before humans, and long before humans were raising cattle. I understand that people have to make a living, but one or two dead animals per rancher a year is worth keeping a beautiful animal alive.

I will give credit to this lady, who says ranchers don't necessarily want to wipe out prairie dogs, but I do not agree that just because she has cattle, that means it is necessary to cut back on the number of prairie dogs. Let them make a comeback. If it wasn't for humans in the first place, they probably wouldn't need to be making a comeback.

You know, we have a pond on our property. We like to keep it looking nice. However, the Canada Goose loves to make a stop at our pond daily. In fact, it's gone up from like 3 to 20 in the recent weeks. They are annoying...they poop everywhere... People have actually told us to shoot them to get them off our property because they are so gross. But...why? We let them stay, or we chase them away. No need to kill. When that starts, I believe things happen that make it hard to take back.

Who knows if I'm really making that much sense (I'm kinda tired). I just hate knowing that humans have had such a profound impact on so many species of animals going extinct...and it seems that some people truly believe humans have a right to make them go extinct. I just don't understand it.

Frustration #2

Is it totally wrong that a person decides to take time off work? I left my job in June after much discussion with B. We both felt it was for the best. My job required I live on-campus (I worked at a university as a Resident Director), which wasn't feasible for us anymore obviously, because we wanted to buy a house, but mostly because I was incredibly unhappy in my job. I was overly-stressed and was no longer passionate about the work. It was taking a toll on me that anyone could have told you was visibly unhealthy.

What gets me though, is you would think that me not having a job is the end of the world. When I first told people that I was quitting and didn't have another job lined up, I couldn't believe the reaction. People who knew me or barely knew me - the same thing. They couldn't hide the fact it was obvious they felt I was DUMB. I could hear the questions they were asking and see the underlying meaning behind the comments they would make to me. Who doesn't work nowadays? She'll never make it. She must have money. Does she?

I experienced this again and again. And again today 2.5 months later. I had to attend a training today for a class I am teaching (see, I'm doing something), and of course, we had to do the required introductions. Well, in order to be introduced this time, we had to pair up and our partner got to introduce us. My partner proceeded to ask me what position I held at the university. I told him, "Well, I used to work in ResLife, but I quit this past year. Bought a house and getting married and I couldn't really live in anymore...". Blank stare. "Oh," partner says. "So, what title am I supposed to say for you?"

Uh, duh. How about...Wolf recently left her job in ResLife and is quite alright with that? Anyway, to make HIS life easier, I told him that I was thinking of going back to school, and would be substituting during the coming year once all my paperwork was through. He proceeds to tell everyone that I AM going back to school and that I retired from my previous position in order to go back to school. Ugh.

Even my mom and family, when I've told them I'm not totally sure what I am going to do (and I am job-searching and have a plan - it's just not something I stress over): "But, Wolf, how are you going to afford the house and bills?" When I first decided to quit, my mom asked me every single time we talked whether I had any job offers. I kid you not. "No, Mom." I'd say, getting more and more frustrated every time... Why do I have to continually reassure you that I am fine. I've been on my own for a very long time and know more about my financial situation then you. Trust me. For once. How many times did I have to tell her, and others that I wasn't worried, so why were they? Apparently, they were seeing something I was not, or just thinking I was competent enough to make my own decision?

What's so interesting is:
1) I'm 26. Don't you think I'm smart enough to think about bills and other issues that will come with not having two incomes? Don't you think B and I went over bills, etc.? Come ON!
2) Should I have staying in a job that was causing undo stress in my life - where I wasn't happy - that would have made B and I live a part, just for a small paycheck? I was always very open with the fact I would be substituting if nothing else came up, and that would provide us with tmore then enough money to have some to spare.

Probably what got me the most was when I went to the Doctor. My female Doctor. She asked me how my job was going and I told her that I had left because I felt it was best. She asked me what I was doing sinice I had left. I told her I didn't know. I wanted to take some time to rediscover my passions and figure out what was going to make me happy. I was taking time of - and eventually hoped if B and I had kids, that I would be a stay at home mom. "Well," she said. "That's not a very good idea. You will cause great problems in your marriage because your husband will become resentful that you aren't making money - but are spending it." Oh, I thought. Well...it isn't like B and I didn't talk about it. I trust he'd tell me in one way or another if this was a problem (by either flat out telling me or just being a pain in the behind about the fact I wasn't doing enough until I got it :P. And we talked about it after this interaction again, and he again reassured me that he was ok with what we decided). She continued to tell me that really, unless I had 3 kids, it didn't look good to be a stay at home mom. People didn't understand it. I felt like saying EXCUSE ME? Who are you to say that I have to have 3 kids to stay at home? I was really quite unhappy with this interaction - with my doctor of all people - who only knows anything about me because she looks at my chart. Half the time she can't remember if I'm married!

I sometiems think that even though women have made great progress over the years in terms of not staying home and being able to work, we are now looked down upon when we shoose not to work. Let everyone make the decision that they feel is best for themselves and their family. Only they know what is best really, as they are the ones living that life. They certainly aren't trying to make the feminist movement take steps backwards...

I am teaching a class and advising students from that class. I also plan to substitute teach. I like this plan because it offers flexibility that has been needed as we have moved into the farm and been working with the animals. Am I still looking for and applying for jobs? Yes - as I find ones I am interested in. And I am very greatful to be able to be so laid back in this search and not have to worry. I know that not many people have that leisure or ability.

So get off my back! And remember when someone tells you they aren't working, that it is their life choice. Don't judge them!

Frustration #1

Ok, so I deleted my last post, which was a wild rant that didn't really seem to make any sense at all... I probably shouldn't post when I am in moods like that. I used to write in my journal when I was upset/angry/frustrated, but I can't find it still and I go through periods of journal writing. Who knows. So, if you read my last post, sorry. If you didn't, you don't have to worry about it now, and can be glad you don't have to read it.

I will admit there are some things I am currently frustrated with and would like to point out...here is the first.

As I've mentioned, I have tons of animals and my animals mean the world to me. I hope to at some point talk about all of them on here to give an idea of my loves. But anyway, on to the frustration. This past year, B and I got a very high-content wolf puppy, which is something we both wanted for quite some time. Our first attempt ended in heart-break, which I won't really go in to. Our second attempt is our beautiful and loving Kaos. He is approximately 98% wolf. A lot of people will say you can't really talk about percentages when it comes to wolfdogs, but in this case the breeders knows the histories of his animals back to like the great-great-great grandparents...we have the lineage of ours. So I can be pretty confident when I say that he is that high (his dad is full-blooded wolf). Things with Kaos have been going extremely well...if anything, I wish we would have been able to spend more time with him as a pup when we first got him like we did our first puppy, but the time when we got him caused us not to be as diligent as we probably should have been. But I digress. He's a good boy.

B and I had been talking about getting a mate for Kaos...maybe for breeding, maybe not, but in part because he is currently bonded with my chow mix Jasmine, who used to be an indoor dog until she became Kaos' babysitter. I, selfishly would like Jasmine back in the house with me, and I believe she would like that too. :) Well, not too long after these conversations started, Kaos' breeder called us and asked us if we wanted another wolf pup for free. He had two females left and he needed to get rid of them before they got older for fear they wouldn't get socialized well enough. These pups were 6 months old and probably the thing that did it for B and I, were sisters to our original wolf pup. So, we went up and got her.

We decided to name her Cynder and she had a pretty nervewracking trip, but we figured she would settle down once in the kennel with Kaos and with some time to adjust to her new surroundings. Well...she got out of the kennel within the first 16 hours of being in the house. We looked everywhere for her to no avail and were pretty heartbroken. There was really no chance she would return to a place she didn't know, to a pack she hadn't bonded with. Nine days passed with not a trace of her, and suddenly she shows up again. I get her in the kennel, call B and am scared to lose her again. In fact, I believe I am in shock that she is in the kennel at all, because I truly believed I would only ever see her again if she was hit on the road or shot (and someone called us because of her tag). B spends most of that night putting a roof on the kennel so she can't jump out. She tries constantly when she hears new noises/sees new people. This is not surprising for a wolf pup that has not been socialized properly. (I would not recommend getting a wolf pup at this age either...it is probably best that you get them around 2 months of age so they can bond with you when they are very young). I figure that once I get to spend some time with her and show her that it is fun to be with humans and she gets yummy treats and ooooh so good belly rubs, that she'll get better. And believe me, I am willing to put in the time.

Well...I go shopping the next day, happy to see that she hasn't gotten out at night. Seems the roof is working... And then I return and wouldn't you know I see only Kaos in the kennel and he is looking up at the roof like uhhh. I can't believe it because Cynder has jumped up, pushed aside boards and fencing, and managed to escape AGAIN. I am in disbelief. I'm scared she has probably run off again and that we won't see her yet again. But before I can get too upset, I see her behind the kennel. The only problem is, this time she knows what will happen if she comes in the kennel (how I got her back before...tricked her in and shut the door) and she isn't hungry like she was before.

I spend all day trying to get her back. B comes home from work early to try. We spend the next day trying...all to no avail. Another bad thing about getting a wolf pup at 6 months that hasn't been socialized properly...they are skittish and don't come over to humans because they aren't sure what to think. Now, she lets us get close to her, and waits for us to feed her, but anything that has four walls she stays away from and we can't get quite close enough to grab her.

And this is where it starts to get really frustrating for us. We feel that the only way we are going to have any chance to catch her is to tranquilze her through the food because we just can't get her any other way. She is staying around and we are lucky for that, but how long will it last? How long before she goes across the riverbed and gets a chicken, or wonders into the street? We call the vet as a last resort...and they tell us sorry, but we haven't seen her, so we can't help you. Well, that's interesting. We haven't had her in a kennel long enough to get her to a vet. Otherwise she would have been there. We try another vet. Same thing. And another. What is sooo frustrating is that two of the vets are ones that B and I have been using for years. My vet in particular I have been going to for 4 years and have taken NUMEROUS animals to over the years as I have rescued them and taken them to the farm. I can't believe that no one will help us catch a dog that is on the lose. And this continues to be the theme. They tell us to use Benadryl (sorry, doesn't KNOCK a dog out cold like a tranq), to use a trap (um, they are too smart for this, but we tried anyway, and what a waste of money as she never went near it), not feed her (well...maybe this would be ok if we weren't near other farms and fear that hunger will lead her away and possibly to kill one of their animals), etc. We have explained time and again that this is not working and we just want to catch our dog. No one will help.

It continues to be frustrating, and I believe that this week is our last chance. We have unfortunately had to resort to ordering foot traps. If this doesn't work, I know what our next step will have to be, even though I don't want to admit it. What we have to face is that the longer she is out, the less Cynder will be socialized, and the more chance we are taking that she will run off and get hurt or hurt a farmer's animal. Time is so critical right now and I just can't believe that when a person needs help getting their animal back...it seems like it doesn't matter. It is so frustrating to be so close to catching her and yet...so far. We have really tried a lot. B made a net to try and trick her on to it. We used the trap. We have tried to be patient to get her to trust us by feeding her. We have tried to trick her in to buildings and the kennel. I even gave her Benadryl but even though it made her tired, she still woke up when something moved toward her. We are out of ideas after the foot traps unless somehow we can get tranqs, which I don't see happening.

Can you see why I am so frustrated with this?