Merry SITSmas!

MERRY SITSMAS to You and Yours!!!

B and I have had a very busy year, full of exciting news (we're having a baby!), fun trips (Hawaii), and the addition of more animals to our farm (goats, more dogs and chickens). We feel very blessed to have what we have, and hope that the holiday season and new year bring you much joy and happiness!

Love, Wolf, B, and all our babies (Chief, Jem, Jasmine, Jackson, Juju, Odie, Kaos, Cynder, Khloe, Onyx, Lucky, Maya, Smoke, Speck, Dakota, Mama Cat, Wild Cat, Tom Cat, Mean Cat, Sugar, Trucker, Spice, Bolt, Striker, Stinky, Jack, Billy, Goat #26, Goat #27, Goat #28, and Goat #29).

Go join the party and see everyone else over at SITS for SITSmas!

And visit some of my favorite SITStas:

Ann over at Pottamus! Where?
HelloSweetWorld
Yaya over at YaYa Stuff

Puberty, Take 2

"Ms. Wolf, what happened to your face? Around your mouth there?" ~ First grader
"One second Peige, let me finish talking to Larissa." ~Me (I always hope when I don't want to talk about something that putting them off for a minute will make them forget about it...luckily in this case it worked).

I can remember back when I was 12 and I began to "change into a woman." The embarrassment I felt at the changes my body was going through, and the wonderful pimples that began to appear on my face. It was sure a relief when I got out of that stage, and the horrible break outs (although not all the pimples...yay, stress) stopped.

Little did I know, that pregnancy would make my face break out like I was going through puberty again! I of course, understand why this is happening, but must admit at 27, it is sometimes hard to accept. Especially when a first grader feels it necessary to bring it to my attention (even though she didn't know any better). Here's to hoping that my pregnancy glow comes soon, and it isn't caused by a number of shiny pimples! :)

Blah.

This has been me lately.
I must admit that I've been feeling pretty good for being pregnant. With the exception of being overwhelmingly tired. I work, I come home and collapse on the couch. I have no desire to do anything when I get home, and it has been a bit trying on me. And probably on B, because I'm honestly not getting much done around the house. I have been subbing about 4 times a week, and teaching a class at the university 2 times a week. The class at the university ends on Monday, and I am extremely happy that I will have a bit of my time back. I keep saying I'm going to cut back on subbing as well, but it is hard when I want to make some money before taking time off when the baby is born. I do need to start thinking less about money (hard to do!) though, and more about how important it is to spend time with my hubby. Because he doesn't get weekends off, he has 2 days off during the week. I used to not work at least one of those days so we got to spend time together, and I haven't even been doing that. In a few months, we won't have the time we have to ourselves now, and I know we should take advantage of it. I really need to work on changing my mindset...especially because I really miss my hubby. It is ok to say no to a day of subbing, and money is honestly not the most important thing in the world...

One thing I have really noticed since being pregnant is that I've thought about my dad A LOT. About how proud he would have been to have a granddaughter (yes, we found out we are having a girl!), and how he would have spoiled her rotten. My dad was amazing with kids. He would have wanted to have his grandchildren visit often, would have taken them on trips, and taught them all the useful information he passed on to my sister and I. I can't help but think of the huge gap that will be left in my daughter's life because she will never know her amazing grandfather. Especially because I still miss him so much. I will of course tell her what an amazing man her grandfather was, and pass on my memories, but it won't be the same. And sometimes that is hard to swallow.

A Dream

The other night, I had a dream. In this dream, our baby had been born, and it was a little girl. I was somehow still pregnant, even though I'd just given birth. We were new parents, and everyone was coming to visit to see the newest member of our family. Of course, everyone loved her and couldn't stop talking about how adorable she was.

One night, B and I went to sleep (it was sometime very soon after our daughter was born), and when we woke up in the morning, we both commented on how surprised we were that our daughter had slept through the night. When we went in to check on her, we found that she was missing. We began to look all over and couldn't find her anywhere. It was terrifying.

Eventually, we got in the car to go look somewhere else and when I looked in the back seat, she was in her car seat-not moving.We had apparently left her there the entire afternoon/night and it had been very hot.

I freaked out and for some reason B did not. He kept telling me that it was ok, because I was pregnant and we would have another baby soon. For some reason, I thought he was trying to tell me that we could cover it up and no one would know. Which I thought was ridiculous. And I was upset because what kind of parents could we be to not notice that we left our child in the car for that long?

It was at this point that I was awoken by the alarm. I was pretty freaked out.

This is the first dream I have had like this (I have had a lot of weird dreams since I became pregnant, many featuring my dad...) and it did disturb me a bit. It left me wondering if it was a reflection of the worries I have about how good of a parent I will be. I will admit, I am scared. Scared of not knowing what to do once our baby gets here. Not knowing how to calm it when crying, not knowing how I will react to not getting sleep, not knowing how life is going to change. Not knowing how I will deal with our child when he or she reaches the teen years (yes, I am even thinking that far ahead). How do I know I won't mess our baby up? Or leave it in the car?

The Post in Which All is Revealed...

I am very happy I can finally let you all in on my secret...

B and I are expecting our first little one this Spring! March 14th to be exact. Which is 2 days after my birthday.

I am officially 16 weeks 2 days today.

This is the reason that I was soooo exhausted all summer and not really in the mood to do much, including blogging. Besides suffering from all day morning sickness as well...

I found out in mid-July. We had been trying for a few months, and I randomly decided to take a pregnancy test the day before B's birthday, thinking that it would be a fun birthday gift. :) I was actually rather shocked to have a positive test...so I took two more to be positive. Ha. Even then, I don't know if I really believed it. Not until I heard the heart beat for the first time, and saw our baby during the ultrasound.

I have for the most part been feeling ok since I moved out of my first trimester. Although I am still tired, I'm finally getting my appetite back and eating without feeling sick for the most part. I'm just starting to show as well. It has been quite an experience.

We are both excited and nervous, and I must admit I am a little scared as well. In a little over five months, a lot in our life is going to change. But I really can't wait to meet our little one.

Here is the picture from our 3 month ultrasound. B says that baby is already practicing for boxing/mixed martial arts, as it has it's guard up. :)

I'll be back with more updates now that I'm ready to be back to blogging!

A Quick Update

Since I orginally posted, things have not gotten much better. We took Jasmine to the vets today (Monday) to have her leg looked at and were told that while they would try surgery, it was not hopeful. Once they opened her up, it was determined that the best thing for her was to amputate her leg...as she would be in pretty bad pain for the rest of her life if she still had her leg. I'm in shock and struggled with the decision all day. I hope it was the right one. I never expected this outcome, and while I have read amazing things about tripod dogs, it doesn't make it easier at the moment. I'm not sure when I'll be back to posting. Right now, I feel I need to hold all my animals closer and spend some more time with them. Jasmine will especially need quite a bit of attention when she returns home tomorrow.

A Sad Return

B and I are back from what was a wonderful and relaxing vacation. More to come on the vacation in a future post.

Unfortunately, the rest and happiness of the vacation did not last upon our return home. We returned to a horse with a hurt foot, Jasmine with a very hurt leg and urinary tract infection, fleas everywhere, our cat Maggie missing, and our cat Tears no longer with us. It was a lot to handle in the middle of the night when we returned home.

The next day did not get better, as we finally found Maggie and she was on the verge of passing away... She passed about 20 minutes after we found her, in my arms. We have no idea what happened. It was a bizarre situation, with no clear culprit...all I know is that it rather devastated me to see her in the state she was in, and to see her take her last breath.

Maggie was a very loving cat. I talked about her back in December when I was trying to help her get better. She never did get totally better, and because of this we had to make the decision to put her outside. It was not my first choice...I'm not a fan of outdoor cats because of what can happen to them, but B and I didn't know what else to do with a cat that had the runs on the floor multiple times a day. The vet didn't know what was wrong, and nothing we tried made her better. She seemed to do fine outside, although she would often try to run back in the house. She really just wanted to be with her people and that was the most important thing to her. She did not deserve what happened to her. I miss having her run at me every time I walk out the door.

Tears was also a very loving cat. She was found before we got home and buried before we could say goodbye. What happened to her is also a mystery. She ended up outside because she had a constant sneezy nose that resulted in snot everywhere. After months of trying to get her better, we couldn't take anymore and thought she could keep Maggie company. She seemed to adapt to the outdoors much easier and didn't seem to mind it as much. Her biggest problem was that she liked to sleep under cars. She loved our dog Jem, and loved us well.

It has been very difficult for me to come to terms with what happened while we were gone. These kitties were our babies, raised from very young and we put a lot of time and effort in to them. They were so loving and probably some of the friendliest cats I've ever had. I worried the most about our animals being ok while we were gone, and I so hoped we would return to all of them as we left them. It is difficult to know that our not being here as usual could have contributed to what happened. It is difficult to know that we planned our vacation with the understanding that our friend would be staying at our farm while we were gone and taking care of the animals...only to have said "friend" leave us hanging high and dry when the time came so we had to scramble to find someone who could at least drop in to check on them a few times a day. It makes me think that taking a vacation when you have a farm is almost impossible.

I am hurting for my animals.