A Phone Call

"Are you getting P a Valentine's Day dress?"

"Um, why would I do that?"

"I don't know I just thought you might. I'm thinking of getting her a little something for Valentine's
Day, a little heart and maybe I'll get her a dress."

That was the start of the last conversation I was to have with my mom. I was a little annoyed and not really paying attention to what she was saying. We hadn't been getting along well the past few months because she had decided to go to a wedding in Jamaica, and I didn't agree with her decision to go. Well, I guess I shouldn't say that. I felt bad for my sister because I felt she would be a burden on her (my mom didn't know many people at this wedding and I know my sister was worried my mom was going to want to be with her the entire time and wasn't going to give her a chance to relax and enjoy her vacation with her husband). But really, I was somewhat jealous that my mom was travelling somewhere I would love to go, and I didn't get a chance to go to. And, my mom often annoyed me because we just rubbed each other the wrong way...it had been that way most of my adult life. Not to mention she would call me several times a week and I often didn't have much new to say...but since P was her only grandchild and she didn't get to see her that often, she would call daily to see if she was doing anything new. So, I was somewhat annoyed and not that excited to be talking to my mom this particular day.

 

 

I was in the process of cutting sweet potatoes and putting them in the crockpot for dinner when she called, and she realized that I was busy. So after a few more attempts at getting me to talk to her more in depth she told me she would let me go and would talk to me later. I can't for the life of me remember if I told her I loved her. We almost always ended our conversations with I love you, regardless of whether we were getting along or not. But I can't remember the end of this conversation. I can remember everything else we talked about...from her falling at my sister's exhibition, to P going a lot of places...but I can't remember the end of this short 3 minute conversation. It haunts me now, because I never would have thought this would have been our last conversation. The things I would have said if I would have known. I would have put down my knife and waited a few minutes to get the rest of dinner in the crockpot, to let her know what she had to say was important...and that despite being annoyed with her, that I loved her.

 

 

If only I had known it was the last time I'd hear her voice.