Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A Dream

The other night, I had a dream. In this dream, our baby had been born, and it was a little girl. I was somehow still pregnant, even though I'd just given birth. We were new parents, and everyone was coming to visit to see the newest member of our family. Of course, everyone loved her and couldn't stop talking about how adorable she was.

One night, B and I went to sleep (it was sometime very soon after our daughter was born), and when we woke up in the morning, we both commented on how surprised we were that our daughter had slept through the night. When we went in to check on her, we found that she was missing. We began to look all over and couldn't find her anywhere. It was terrifying.

Eventually, we got in the car to go look somewhere else and when I looked in the back seat, she was in her car seat-not moving.We had apparently left her there the entire afternoon/night and it had been very hot.

I freaked out and for some reason B did not. He kept telling me that it was ok, because I was pregnant and we would have another baby soon. For some reason, I thought he was trying to tell me that we could cover it up and no one would know. Which I thought was ridiculous. And I was upset because what kind of parents could we be to not notice that we left our child in the car for that long?

It was at this point that I was awoken by the alarm. I was pretty freaked out.

This is the first dream I have had like this (I have had a lot of weird dreams since I became pregnant, many featuring my dad...) and it did disturb me a bit. It left me wondering if it was a reflection of the worries I have about how good of a parent I will be. I will admit, I am scared. Scared of not knowing what to do once our baby gets here. Not knowing how to calm it when crying, not knowing how I will react to not getting sleep, not knowing how life is going to change. Not knowing how I will deal with our child when he or she reaches the teen years (yes, I am even thinking that far ahead). How do I know I won't mess our baby up? Or leave it in the car?

35 comments:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I had dreams of my babies before they were born. It's weird, but no reflection on the type of parent or child you will have...trust me!

What A Card said...

Ah yes, the incredibly vivid dreams of pregnancy and early infancy. Someone should post a warning for 1st time moms! Many of mine were incredibly odd anxiety driven fears. Like after my twins were born, every time I woke up for the first week or two, I was *convinced* I'd fallen asleep with one of the boys in the bed and smothered him. To the point where I'd be desperately searching through the covers, entirely freaking my husband out each time until he started just checking the pack-and-play immediately when I woke up to tell me both boys were safe in there and not in the bed. And that at least was a somewhat reasonable fear. Don't even get me going about my incredibly vivid nightmares of aquarium-related danger.

About messing up your baby, well, I've had to accept that yes, I will mess up my kids. Don't all parents? I just do my best, and make mistakes sometimes, and move on and try not to make the same mistakes again. And I promise, you won't leave the baby in the car.

Some book recommendations for baby-prep: Baby 411 (my favorite of all the baby-advice books. General advice on a wide variety of topics. Very readable and not overly scary). Also Dr. Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block has awesome techniques to soothe crying babies. Believe me, your baby will cry, sometimes a lot, and sometimes nothing you do will help. But the "5 S's" in Dr. Karp's book really are the best advice I'd gotten to help!

You'll do great!

Drea said...

I've had some really strange dreams since becoming pregnant, but none quite like that...yet. I am sure it will happen.

I have the same anxieties about being a mom, and trust me, the teen years are already terrifying me. I keep seeing varying stages of motherhood while out shopping - the exhausted mom with the screaming toddler in the cart, the mom with the goth teen that refuses to walk next to her, and the mom who is helplessly following around her middle aged child, who has no patience for her slow walk or indecisiveness while shopping. All of these visions terrify me to no end.

I don't have a great answer for you, because I have similar anxieties, but I have to keep reminding myself that moms have been around for a long long time, and I think it just comes to you. And I have to say, I think these babies cooking in our bellies could do a lot worse than us, Heather. :)

S.E. Sward said...

I wish I could say the nightmares will stop altogether once your baby is born, but the truth is the ones about you being a bad parent will go away, to be replaced by all the horrible things that can happen to her at the hands of others. My recurring nightmare is that someone will snatch my daughter. When I hear about cases like Laci Peterson, who at 8 mos. pregnant was murdered along with her unborn child by her husband, I can barely hold my anxiety in check. But I do because I have to. For her.

You'll be fine. You know how I know? Because you're worried about being a good mother. So you'll try harder. Will you make mistakes? Yes. But unless you physically or psychologically abuse your child, there's very little you can do that will permanently scar her. Breathe deep. It helps!

I read The Girlfriend's Guides to pregnancy, the first year and toddlerhood - all by Vicki Iovine, and she's hilarious. Baby Wise is another book to look into because it is a method for getting your baby to sleep through the night as soon as possible. Just remember that you don't have to follow any method you read about 100% - pick and choose, mix and match what works for you and your baby. Otherwise, you'll make yourself crazy because you will likely read and get conflicting advice about what to do in any given situation.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Stopping by from SITS to say hello!

Cid said...

Although the ladies above said it all, the best advice I got when I was expecting my first was from a mother of four. She said, "Enjoy this pregancy because you will never be alone with no one else to worry about ever again. Sleep when you can and remember dreams are just dreams and cannot be trusted when hormoes are raging; eat what you want; get outside and enjoy the time with your father-to-be. "

The Blonde Duck said...

Congrats on your pregnancy! How wonderful for you!

That said, I would be freaked out too. I've read things though that say a lot of women have similar dreams b/c their bodies are changing to more nuturing...

Reviewer11 said...

Thank goodness it was just a dream. So sorry you are having nightmares. No worries, you will have plenty of time to think of how you will raise your children. :) May God guide you the way. You will be fine. :) I wish you the very best.

Thanks for posting a comment on my blog. Have you thought of re-reading the Ramona Series? I think your children will love them. It is clean and wholesome. Good luck with your precious child and give him or her lots of love. :)

Amie Kirk said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. And, congratulations on your baby on the way! I remember having some weird dreams when I was pregnant with my son, too. One of the funnier ones was I dreamed that I did not have a name for my baby after he was born. Everyone just kept calling him "baby boy Kirk" (Kirk is our last name) The nurses kept coming in and asking me what I wanted to put on the birth certificate and I couldn't think of a name. They kept returning, and all I could call him was "baby boy Kirk", "baby boy Kirk". They kept telling me they couldn't release us unless I had a name for him... Well, long story short, in "real life" my son ended up being born premature and having to be in the NICU, and after delivery when I got to go down to the NICU to see him for the first time, they wheeled me over to his little bed and right on the side was a BIG sign that read "BABY BOY KIRK" I just had to laugh :-)! We have pictures of it for his scrap book. And not to worry, we did come up with a wonderful name :o)!

Kristin said...

We all have those crazy pregger dreams. It is no reflection on what kind of parent you will be! Congratulations on your impending arrival! Get ready for the ride of your life. : )

hellosweetworld said...

I've never been pregnant and have weird dreams! Hehe. Girl, you're gonna be a great mom. I know it's probably a little scary but you'll do great! I just know it :)

Queenie Jeannie said...

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

It is so normal to have crazy dreams while you're pregnant! And yes, some just really scare the heck outta ya! More hugs!!

You are going to be a fabulous Mom!! Why? Because you care so much! You will make mistakes (NOT the leave in the car one though!), and it will be ok. No one is perfect and kids adapt! So breathe and relax, ok?

Yaya said...

(((Hugs)))
I'm sorry your dreams are freaking you out. You see a counselor, right? I can't remember, but I think you do. Maybe talk about this baby-anxiety with him/her. Might help relieve some stress.

Sandy said...

That is a very disturbing dream. But it's just a dream! Lots of changes going on in your body, it's to be expected. If you are still freaked out about it, talk to your counselor. And congratulations on the baby!

The Parker Family said...

Hi Heather,

Leaving my kid in the car is my absolute WORST nightmare. I truly feel for those that that has happened to, because we are all human and we all make mistakes. That mistake just happens to be tragic, and it could happen to anyone.

There are so many things to worry about as a parent and the list is forever growing. It is hard to understand prior to having a child the concept that you are fully responsible for another human being that is completely and utterly dependent on you! But just remember - you are human and you will make mistakes. Some you will laugh at, and all you will learn from. And in the end, we all just do the best we can!

Melissa B. said...

These all-too-real dreams, I think, are quite common during pregnancy. I dreamed quite vividly all 9 months with both my kids. The good news is that when the baby arrives, you'll know how to be a great mommy!

Aleta said...

Greg and I don't have children, but we'll get dreams from time to time that we have taken in kittens that we don't have and then we just "forgot about them" and found them dead in the house. It's a horrible, horrible feeling when you wake up. I think it has something to do with not knowing if you are prepared.. afraid you'll forget something SO important.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well, hopefully you know by now that nearly EVERYBODY goes through this and it's a sign that you'll be a good mommy because you care enough to worry about these things.

In the meantime,...stop eating pizza before you go to bed!! LOL!

Tania @ Larger Family Life said...

You don't know. Parenting doesn't come with a manual or a checklist. But becoming a parent does kick in so many instincts that seem to have lain dormant until it does. First time parents tend to be afraid just the way you are. You are not abnormal at all in your worries and fears. When they are expecting number two they worry that they won't be able to love a second child the way they love the first. There's always something to worry about where parenting is concerned. But for what it's worth, I think you'll do just fine :-)

If you ever feel overwhelmed just let me know ((hugs)).

Debi Kelly Van Cleave said...

Oh my goodness, you're pregnant! Congratulations!

No time to read what everyone else posted but this is normal. Having worries and anxieties mean that you WILL be a great mother! If you didn't worry at all, then I'd worry. Plus, you are a wonderful caregiver to your animals. I'm very excited for you. This is going to be a wonderful journey.

You'll like the coupons you can find for diapers!

www.GreenerPastures--ACityGirlGoesCountry.blogspot.com

Angry Julie Monday said...

stopping over from SITS...Happy Sunday!

and the pregnancy dreams...they get worse.

Tonya said...

Oh honey, all moms new and old get a little freaked once in awhile. My kids are 10 and 7 and I still worry more than I ever did.

My daughter went Ice-skating for the first time and I feared she'd fall and someone would slice her fingers off with their skates because they weren't paying attention. That didn't happen, she had a blast, and is begging to go again.

My son has asthma and everytime he gets a slight cold off to the ER I take him and most the time the Dr.'s look at me like "what it's just a cold". :-)

I wish I could say the fears and worries stop but they don't. It's a part of being MOM and being MOM is a wonderful blessing and gift; no matter how frightening.

I've not forgotten my kids anywhere...even though sometimes I've wanted to. They are great. I love them to pieces.

You won't mess up your baby or leave it somewhere. I was 19 when I became a Mom and talk about scared, but boy I was! I had no idea what to do with my beautiful baby girl - but I guess I figured it out and I'm sure you will to.

Hang in there. Many prayers.

Visiting from SITS.
www.tuesdaysattonyas.blogspot.com

JoeyRes said...

I remember how un-helpful it seemed when people would say "you'll figure it out" but it is true. When the baby comes you'll find what works for him or her. Every baby is different and as I've always said with mine, the matrix is always changing. As soon as you figure something out, one stage ends and you need to do something different. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your little one!

Lucky Girl said...

Whoa! Scary I bet. Easy does it though...try taking on today and letting tomorrow worry about itself.

Easier said than done right? But we can tell just by the concerns you have, that you will be a great mom!

Stephanie Faris said...

There are obvious reasons for a dream like this at this time, with the fears you're no doubt having. But from a dream interpretation standpoint, death actually signifies the end of one era and the beginning of another. It is the death of one phase of your life...as another is about to begin.

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Lucky Girl said...

I forgot to say Happy SITS Day!

Love your blog!!

Melissa B. said...

All those good Mommy Endorphins kick in when the baby is born, so the dreams stay dreams...Happy Sunday!

Orange You Glad I Didn't Say "Banana?"

Melissa aka Equidae said...

I was blessd to not have such dreams. However, there is no need to be anxious! most things comes to you naturally.....as for how to calm your baby the most important thing i learnt was to keep myself calm! breathe and it will be ok:)

passed from SITS

Quincifer said...

You know people always say that dreams are opposite of your actions in reality.
You must have so many subconscious worrys about being a parent that they have to get out in your dreams....try not to worry though, your concern is a good thing, you just want to be a good parent :)
Hello from SITS x

The Blonde Duck said...

Hope everything is well!

Heidi said...

When I was pregnant with my first daughter someone bought me a really neat pregnancy book you filled weekly about your weight, measurements and yours dreams... and I had some crazy ones (one was about a huge bunny chasing me and I was trying to get away to save my baby). I get a kick out of going back and reading those now... pregnancy = crazy dreams (it's all the hormones!).
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest :)

Feeling Fit With Dana said...

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. It's been a LONG time since my kids were born and I still remember all the weird dreams I had. It is scary not knowing, but somehow it all comes together when those sweet little babies get here.

Stopping by from SITS!

Twincerely,Olga said...

Hi stopping by from SITS! I hate dreams like that!!you will be a great Mom!!!

Eva Gallant said...

I'm sure you will be a terrific Mom when that baby arrives.

Just stopped by from SITS to say hi; hope you'll do the same.

Cairo Typ0 said...

Hi, stopping by from SITS! :)

I'm positive that you'll be a great mum when the little one arrives. **hugs*

Nate said...

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