What I am Thankful For...

As I have been reading blogs the last few days...or weeks really...I have noticed the common theme of thankfulness coming up as people prepare for Thanksgiving. I guess that makes sense, considering Thanksgiving is a time for people to think about and remember the things they are thankful for. Thanksgiving was never really a big holiday in my family...my dad was typically working and my mom sometimes had to work too. When I was younger, there were a few years my sister and I went to the Outer Banks with my aunt, uncle and cousins for Thanksgiving...but that stopped when my skating took off. After that, I never really went anywhere until I started dating my ex, and celebrating Thanksgiving with his family. After we broke up, and my dad passed away, I stopped Thanksgiving all together. Some of this had to do with the fact that we set up the tree lot on Thanksgiving, some of it had to do with the fact that I felt I had nowhere to go.

I will admit, that the last few years of my life, I have not felt that thankful. I've focused a lot on the bad things that have happened...and sometimes wallowed in my pity. I've felt bitter and angry and held on to things that happened as I was growing up, that happened recently, and that continue to happen...some of these things I've talked about on this blog already, and others maybe one day I will be brave enough to share. The point is though, that I've allowed my pessimistic side to show and take over. I don't really know when this happened. But it has really taken over...to the point where sometimes I just think that there is no way a good thing will happen, and am not surprised when the bad thing ends up happening. Perhaps it is the expecting the bad thing that makes it happen. I don't know.

There is a huge part of me that misses the happy-go-lucky person I once was. I miss the confidence and the feeling that things would go my way. I wonder where she went and how she disappeared. I truly don't know why I let her go so far away, and I don't know how to get her back. I miss that person. B thinks I need to start thinking about the good things that have happened rather then focusing on the bad. I tend to think he is right (don't tell him that though! :)) but have a hard time getting there. One of the ways I am going to start, is by listing five things I am thankful for as it is Thanksgiving (or thereabouts...this post has taken me a bit to finish).

So, here goes:

1) I am thankful for B. He is an amazing man...I talk about him a lot on here, but have never really given you an idea of who he is...one day, hopefully. But, he has supported me and loved me through difficult times and struggles, and loves me even though I am nowhere near perfect, or good at cleaning. :) Seriously though, I can be a frustrating individual at times. I'm stubborn, and ridiculously set in my ways, and am trying to figure out my place in life. And this guy decided that despite those things, he wanted to spend forever with me anyway. He loves me very well and I am incredibly thankful for the one person in life that loves me despite all my flaws.

2) I am incredibly thankful for my friends K and Neil. I miss them terribly since they both moved away last summer, and I am not the best person at keeping in touch with people, even when they are my best friends. But, I know that if I need them they will be there for me in a heartbeat and with sound advice and ears.

3) I am thankful for my beautiful house and property that allows me to have all my animals close to me. For so many years I lived away from my animals...my animals are one of my biggest passions...and it was incredibly difficult for me. Now, they are all here. Finally. After 4 years. I can look out my bedroom windows in the morning and on one side I see my horses, and I can look out the other side and see our pond and the rest of our horses. It is a beautiful sight. I can hear our wolves howling at night, and can walk outside to play with my dogs. The dogs can run and enjoy themselves. My animals help me in so many ways and I love them all for different reasons...but mostly for their unconditional devotion and love. They are such amazing companions.

4) I am thankful that B and I are able to live ok without two solid incomes for a little while while I find a job that has some meaning to me. While I loved my last job...things happened and I also had to live on-campus, which I no longer wanted to do. I am thankful I was able to leave (so I could experience number 3) and have time to find something else that will be a suitable fit and not stress me out as much as my last job. I know that not everyone out there has that privilege and I am grateful for what we have.

5) Although I may not always be so positive, I am thankful for my life. B shared the following story with me the day before Thanksgiving...and I think it puts things in perspective. And it really made me think. This little guy did pass away...and you can find more stories about him on YouTube, etc.



I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and time with your family. I am thankful for my bloggy friends as well!

I'm a Slacker

Seriously. I haven't been updating my blog well at all the last few weeks. In all honesty, I have been a bit busy... Not only was I sick with the dreaded cold for over 3 weeks, but I had to grade papers (and I was VERY behind since I was sick) and I also picked up some more hours at work. After this week though...my life will become a little more boring.

Why is that? Well...I mentioned a little while ago that I had quit my job. I gave my bosses two months notice. In reality, I wanted to quit then and there (as we all know how much I really love this job....), but I know during December they are short staffed, and I didn't feel it would be right to do so. So I decided to stick it out until right before Christmas. Well, it seems I didn't have to do that. We got the schedule for December, and my hours have been cut in half. Some weeks, more then half. I feel as if I am being punished for quitting. Some days, I don't go in until 3:00pm and work until 5:00pm. What is the point of that? There really is no point. In fact, it takes me 25 minutes to drive in to work. I feel like it is a waste of gas and my time. But, I am too nice to go in and tell them that it is BS and I shouldn't even bother. Not only did they cut my hours back, but they took me out of the one room where I knew all the kids and moved me to a different one where I don't know any of the kids. I guess I can say without a doubt that I made the right decision in quitting. I just wish now that I had the balls to tell them that unless I have more hours, I don't want to come back after Thanksgiving. I guess I'm not really sure what kind of people feel it is ok to cut a person's hours back without telling them...and also think it is feasible for people to come in in the middle of the afternoon for such a short time. I quit because it was not the right job for me...I wasn't happy...it was a pain in the behind...and the people I worked for were not too pleasant. But I guess the right thing to do would have been to stay right? Not give them notice?

Who knows. I can't say I'm not happy for a little free time. I just don't like feeling like I'm wasting my time, which is what I will be doing several days over the next month as I drive for an hour...to work two. Ugh.

Anyway, hopefully, I'll have some more time and motivation to post now that I'll be home more...and not coming home exhausted and in need of just plain old me time!

Saturday Savings!

Here is how the shopping trip went this week...not as amazing as last week (how could it be when last week was Kroger's MEGA-sale?), but I am still happy with how I did. I saved more then I typically would, and if I had been paying better attention (I'll explain in a second), I would have been much closer to my $50 grocery goal then I was.

Ok, to start, I was lucky enough to come across a blog that mentioned a $4 off Purina cat food coupon and a $2 off Goody Ouchless hair tie coupon. The blog mentioned that if you went to Walmart, the items would be free or close to free. Turns out my Walmart is a little more pricey then hers, but still, I got the following items:


for a total of $4.66! I saved $12.00. And, to make things better, I have a mail in rebate on the chapstick, so I actually I spent $2.12. B and I typically get our catfood bulk because we have so many cats to feed, but how can you resist 3.5lbs of catfood for $.78? And I'm really happy about the hairties, because I am using my last one...I lost the rest that I had in our move.

CVS this week had a lot of interesting deals. I am trying not to spend over $20 out of pocket (oop) at CVS each week, although I made an exception this week because of the opportunity to earn ECBs. I see a lot of people buying things that they don't need at CVS just because it gives them an opportunity to make equal or more in ECBs...but I don't want things I can't eventually use. So, I might have a more difficult time mastering the ECB program then I thought...but this is only my second week, so I'm giving it time! Ok, I bought:

for a total of $22.93. I saved...$31.30 through coupons and use of my ECBs from last week and my first stop this week (I didn't buy enough batteries the first stop to get the ECB bonus...so I went back today...pictured and talked about though is my ENTIRE CVS purchase for the week...and it turns out it was a good thing I didn't buy enough, I used my ECBs from the first stop to pay for most of my purchase on the second stop!). Are these items necessities? No. But, they are things that B and I will use eventually and it doesn't hurt to have them. I now have $20 in ECBs...which means in reality, I only paid $2.93 I guess. Although, in reality, the ECBs don't count since I'll be talking about how I saved using them next week! Confusing...

My last stop was of course, Kroger. I bought all of this:


for $71.26. And saved $56.28. Sooo....I spent more then I saved. BUT. I'm not disappointed. I'm still much lower then my old $100 orso a week. And, some of it was my own stupidity. I bought the wrong size pumpkin because I wasn't paying attention...which makes a big difference actually...as purchasing the wrong size cost me $3.00. I paid $2.00 a can rather then $.50... I also bought Ritz when they weren't on sale and I only had a coupon...and I probably didn't need to buy the Oscar Mayer bacon that was BOGO after I found the $.99 bacon (manager's special...love those tags since I don't care since I just freeze anyway!), but I decided to get it because bacon is not BOGO very often and I've NEVER seen the $.99 bacon before...and I look for it (and technically, I saved another $10 by buying the manager's special bacon...it just doesn't show up as savings when you get rung up)! I was excited to get both the Cottonelle and the Duncan Hines cake for free though. I love free stuff!

So all in all, this week I spent $98.85 (less then last week!!!) and saved $99.58! I still saved more then I spent! Whoo!

Let me know if you find any deals...and I strongly encourage you to check out my frequently visited blogs...they are where I find most of the deals and coupons (in addition to the ones I clip from the Sunday paper), as well as ideas of how to combine all offers to get the lowest price! Good Luck!

Grief

Lately, I've been thinking about my dad a lot. Not the happy memory thinking, but the "man I miss him so much that it pains me" thinking. Sometimes I am surprised that four years later (I can't believe it is four years later...), I still grieve for him just as much. Not in the same ways that I used to grieve...where I would cry and be mad...but just the sad how I wish I could pick up the phone and hear his voice grieving. The, every time I think of him it still brings tears to my eyes grieving. I often wonder how long this grieving will continue.

It is probably the season. This is the time of year my dad loved so much. It was tree time. He got to spend a month outside, selling the trees he worked so hard to raise, and talk to the customers that came to buy them...many of them buying them year after year. He was so proud of those trees. I was proud to continue selling them, and as I have mentioned before, am struggling with the fact this is the first year I will not be. I am trying to let it go though.

When my dad passed away, I lost an amazing friend. I was a definite "daddy's girl." I sure didn't know that all the time. We had our ups and downs as I was growing up and sometimes I thought I hated him because he expected so much from me or imposed such strict guidelines on me as I was growing up. I can of course, look back on those days now and be thankful for what he did...it is because of him that I have a firm work ethic and firm morals.

My dad had a great smile and laugh. I miss hearing him laugh. His laugh filled a room and was contagious, and when he smiled, you couldn't help but smile back. He worked hard for his family...even when he knew he was at the end, he wanted to make sure we would be ok when he was gone.

When my dad first found out he had cancer, a wise man told me to make sure I told him everything I needed to tell him. That I should be grateful I had the opportunity to let my dad know how much I cared about him, etc. I struggled with that idea. I felt like telling my dad the things I felt bad about... like how I treated him once at a competition we were at when I was struggling through so many things in my life...how much I loved him and appreciated all he did for us... meant that I was giving up on him. That I believed he wasn't going to beat it. And so, I never told him. I waited until he couldn't respond, until I have no idea whether he actually heard what I said. And that bothered me. I wanted him to know. I know the first thing people will want to say is, don't worry he knew. I'm not saying he didn't know I loved him. Or that I went through the growing pains that all teenagers went through. But to have said it would have taken a huge burden off my chest... that way I would know that he knew for sure that I understood my past mistakes.

The hardest thing for me is not being able to pick up the phone to call him and get his advice. Especially as I go through new things and sometimes struggle to find my footing in life. My dad always had the best advice...even when I didn't like it. He had so many life experiences and he knew something about everything. I was only fortunate enough to learn a tiny bit of what he had taught himself over the years. You see, I thought I was going to have many years to learn what he knew. I miss calling and just saying hi. I miss his excitement. Really, I miss everything.

Grief sucks.

Sick

I am, much to my chagrin, still sick. Last Monday, after taking the day off work, I thought I felt soooo much better. I still had a bit of a cough and runny nose, but that was ok. On Friday though, I started to feel it again. My runny nose has gotten worse, I can't sleep (so I'm EXHAUSTED right now), and my throat is a little sore. I wanted to get things done around the house today and all I've been able to do is lay around in bed. Here's to hoping that none of you have had the dreaded bug that has laid me up for over two weeks now...

Savings!!!

Not too long ago, I posted about my attempts to save and become more frugal. I was actually quite frustrated at what I was feeling was not a very successful venture. Since that post, I have been doing more research, reading more blogs, and trying even harder to understand what it is I need to do to save money. I've signed up for several couponing websites and put in for several coupons to be sent to me. I can't say I have become anywhere near an expert. But, I believe I am gaining a greater understanding, and today, I went out and tried my hand at the local Kroger store. Yes, I stuck with Kroger...mostly because they were having a MEGA-sale...buy 10 participating items, and you get $5.00 off. I saw people posting about their savings all over the place and had to try. I was determined to only buy items I had coupons for, and was having a difficult time figuring out where to get some of the coupons people had talked about until I came across this blog. She laid everything out, and included where to get some of the online coupons, and bam, I had tons of new coupons and ideas of what I could include in my shopping list. Also, reading her blog let me know that I could use my e-coupons (ones added to my card) in addition to my paper coupons, which offered even greater savings.

I must admit I was extremely excited (and somewhat nervous) about my shopping trip today. In addition to Kroger, I was going to try my hand at CVS with their Extra Care Bucks today and also try and get some good deals at Walmart. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it (I'm weird). And I actually had to go in to Kroger and run through to make sure I understood what I was doing once, before I purchased all my items. Ha.

Ok, on to the good stuff. Here is what I bought and my savings.

I'll start with Walmart (have to save the best for last you know!! Building anticipation!) I got all these items:

for a grand total of $23.12! That may seem like a lot (the kitty litter did me in...I can't find any great deals on kitty litter...especially not the kind we like...and had to settle for the fact that I at least had a $1.00 of coupon) but let me tell you my savings... $17.00!! My favorite coupon from this trip was for the Scrubbing Bubbles shower cleaner. It was $13.48 at Walmart (must cheaper then Kroger's $25.00 price) and I had a $10.00 coupon that I got offline.

I then went to CVS, where I am brand new at the Extra Care Bucks (ECB). From what I understand, you have to participate in this for a little bit and put some money OOP in the beginning in order to start getting good savings, so I am going to give it about a month to see if it is truly as amazing as it sounds (with people getting $50some worth of groceries for $1, I hope I can figure it out...). I got this (don't mind the already eaten candy bar, I was hungry after shopping for 3 hours this afternoon/morning):


for a grand total of $16.41. Not awful. Pepsi is expensive now adays... But, I saved $13.84 after coupons and because everything I bought was on sale. After my purchase had earned $5 in ECBs. So, I technically got everything for $11.41... Next time I go in, I'll have $5 to use to purchase more items that will earn me ECBs. I am taking this one slow and steady...

And finally, my Kroger trip! I purchased all of this (excluding the kitten):


for a grand total of $74.67! That is 52 items right there! And guess what I saved? $99.23!!! I saved more then I spent! That is an absolute first right there! I probably would have spent even less if I had purchased only items I had coupons for or were on sale, but I had to give in and purchase a few items that there were no coupons for... I made sure the meat was manager's special (savings there were not included in the final total, but on the pork chops alone, I saved close to $5), and the water, well, B and I like the flavored Aquafina, so I made an exception. I'm really excited to have saved so much. Had I actually had more faith in myself, and more time after I figured out what I was doing, I would have purchased more and probably been able to save even better. But I'm not going to complain.

In all today, I spent a total of $114.20 (and $10.11 for gas, which I got for $1.69 a gallon! Who would have thought I'd see the day when it was that low again!). I saved $130.07 (and probably about $1.80 on my gas purchase). So I saved more then I spent!! Although, I was quite tuckered from my trip and forgot to get the ink for my printer... :)

My goal is still to spend no more then $50 in a week total for everything. I am proud of the fact that in all, my bill came to about as much as I was typically spending at Kroger alone in a week. I'll get it down eventually (especially now that I have discovered the art of stockpiling...), but realize it is going to take some additional work, especially since Kroger's doesn't run MEGA-sales every week.

I'm going to keep trying and keep posting about my efforts. Hopefully you all have some luck with sales too!

All Done...

Well, I am officially done teaching my class for the year. Every year I say I won't ever teach it again because it can be so frustrating...but...I always end up going back. All I have left to do is grade the rest of the papers they turned in (which is going to take me a bit because I got behind when I got sick) and turn in the grades.

I mentioned before that I am surprised by what 18-year olds are doing nowadays, and I continue to be. I guess I must be becoming the old fart I never wanted to be. I always thought that the fact I was young looking, not really THAT old and surrounded by college students meant that I was in tune...but my experiences as a child and teenager were much different then the average person, and in reality, I was probably never in tune (I was such a goody-goody!).

It frustrates me to see that this is our future, and I hope they change. It also scares me for if I have kids. I don't want them to be druggies or drink a lot or have sex when they are in middle school. It amazes me how quickly things can change in our world and how accepted things can become that were once so Taboo. Sometimes it makes me just want to stay in my own little piece of the world and shelter myself...so I'm not so shocked.

With the end of the class I was hoping for more free time. Traditionally, around this time, I would be getting ready for a six-week break...where I would spend the majority of the time selling Christmas trees. I am not doing that for the first time this year, which is sad and I'm not sure how I am going to handle it yet. The free time I was hoping for will most likely not come, as I will likely pick up more hours at work (I'm hoping to know my schedule soon...is it wrong to hope I don't pick up more hours?). There is just so much else I want to do. I want to get the house unpacked and the rooms finished. I want to work with the little horses to get them used to loading in to the trailer and unloading. I want to sit with the wolf pups and I want to read some books. I want to find a job that I actually like...so that maybe then I won't mind spending half my day there.

Mostly I want to understand what the heck I'm supposed to be doing with my life!!