Writing...

There are a few reasons why I started blogging again. The first is that I've always been someone who does her thinking at night. My head hits the pillow and I don't fall asleep. I think about all the things I need to do or that are bothering me. Writing in my journal was always good for that - but - I can't find my journal right now because it's still packed in a box somewhere and who knows when I'll find it. Blogging helps me organize my thoughts and get them out there...similar to the way my journal once did (although I don't put down nearly as much personal stuff online as I always have in my journal).

The second is that I really loved blogging before. I blogged for several months. I liked to give people an idea of what was going on in my life and put it out there. It was fun - until a family "friend" found the blog and made extremely mean and thoughtless comments on it - thinking she was "helping" me.

The third is probably the most important. And it is that I am hoping that blogging will help me get into writing again. A dream I have had pretty much my entire life is to write a book and have it published. It's gone back and forth between being a fiction or non-fiction book, but the dream to have something published has never died. When I was young, I would write a lot. But I normally didn't get past the first few pages of my "book" (which was often a copy of Sweet Valley Kids, just with triplets and changes in names and scenarios), before starting another one. When I began skating, I ran out of spare time. I got so wrapped up in skating that I stopped really writing, with the exception of my journal. When I quit skating and went to college, I chose Creative Writing as my focus within my English major. I sturggled at times with this choice. I didn't always like the restrictions, and I hated more the critique (of myself and having to critique others). I did finally bang out a few short stories though. Even more though, I felt like I found my poetic voice, and began to write a lot of poetry. I was especially proud of 2 pieces I wrote, so I decided to submit one to an on-campus magazine. I was rejected. It was an awful feeling. Now, if I had actually taken a look at the types of things they published, I would have seen that my piece certainly didn't fit in their magazine - but at the time it was just about the fact that I was rejected (seriously though, who doesn't get rejected on their first try?). So, I didn't try again.

When I went to Grad school, I was all about writing something about my grandfather. He was an amazing man who I loved dearly, and that summer I had discovered love letters between him and my grandmother that I wanted to expand upon. I got more information - but I just couldn't ever get myself to organize my thoughts to start - they always overwhelmed me and it just never happened. And then my dad died. I lost all desire to write after he died. I think in some ways, I became scared to write because I wasn't sure what would come out - my dad's death was a turning point in my life - a time that was more painful and difficult to deal with then I care to think about. I didn't want to relive it anymore then I already was. One day, I'm sure I'll talk more about my dad's death on here. But the point is, that I stopped writing altogether.

Now that I've had time off - time to think and relax - not to stress so much, I realize how much I miss writing. How much I want to realize my dream of getting something published. This blog is a way to help me get my creative juices flowing again...and I already feel it happening.

B thinks at times that I spend too much time online. But right now I think it is needed and beneficial. I feel myself bursting with ideas and a desire to put them on paper (now I just need to figure out how to organize them best). I'm hopeful that I'm getting started again so that one day I'll open up WORD and the words will flow. I think I'm getting there...