Monday, September 1, 2008

What's in a Name?

As the wedding draws closer, the one thing I'm still struggling on deciding is whether or not to change my name. I never used to think it would be such a difficult decision for fact, the first time I was engaged (yes, I was previously engaged), I had my mind all made up that I would be changing my name. Since then though, so much has happened in my life that I'm just not sure...

Reasons for keeping my name:
1) I like it. :)
2) It is very high up in the alphabet
3) Not having to go through all the pain of changing everything that has my current name on it to a new name
4) It is me. I truly feel in the past few years that I have really become who I am. My name is a part of that. It's how everyone knows me...
5) I feel it honors my dad. There are no males in our immediate family and our last name is dwindling...(there aren't very many with our last name anywhere, really, but only one male within even my extended family...).

Reasons for changing my name:
1) I think B would appreciate it, even though he tells me it wouldn't bother him if I didn't take his name
2) Makes it easier for other people. Ha!
3) Taking his name shows that we've come together to start our life as a unit...

I dunno. I'm not against it for all the feminist reasons, really, I could care less about those (no I don't hate feminists. This is the second time I've brought them up in posts...) I guess I feel like maybe I'll be losing something I feel is a part of my identity. How I see myself. But maybe how I see myself shouldn't be wrapped up in something so small as a name... Do others see me as a name? Those that don't know my name certainly don't, and I'd hope that those who do know me see me for all the other things about me.

I've still got time. Maybe the answer will eventually become clear.

1 comment:

Blue said...

If you do want to take on a married name, maybe you could keep your maiden name as a middle (or second middle if you already have one) name. Or if you have children you could use your maiden name as their middle name. Or some last names make fine first names. It's a thing these days. Lots of kids named Atkin, Porter, Bennett, Smith, etc. Depending on your last name, of course. If it was something like Mosbacher, that mighn't work so well.

I didn't have this conundrum myself though. I was a B before marriage, but I hated my name. I felt pity on my brothers as a child that they were stuck with it their whole lives. I couldn't wait to rid myself of it. The last names of anyone I dated were of supreme importance to me. Could I ever be Blue Griswald? Or Blue Zika? I don't know! Blue Valentine would have been lovely, no? (If only the man behind the name had been different).

The thing is though, my maiden name isn't bad. It's just my experiences growing up that tweaked me about my name. It was a cause of much anguish for me. So I'm not one who is necessarily able to relate on this point.

As for my dad...well, that's another topic entirely.

(I do always wrestle with how to address people with different last names. It's always a point of angst...will they be offended if I write one or the other? to hyphenate or not? what about their kids?) It's a conundrum.

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