Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Happy Birthday Sis

Today is my sister's 29th birthday. I can't say that she is really looking forward to it...knowing that this is her last year before 30. But all in the same, I know she will celebrate and have a good time.

My sister and I were very close growing up. Only 2 years apart, my mom often dressed us a like and for a long time, we pretended we were twins (although, we sure didn't look it...she towered over me). We went through a lot together...especially in the years where my mom's manic depression was at its worst. She tried to protect me from the horrors that would occur when my mom would have an episode, and this meant that she often took the brunt of my mom's psychological breaks. Through everything, we loved each other and supported each other. Although, not to say we always got along. She would often do things and blame them on me...so I would get in trouble. We had some pretty knock down, drag out fights at times too...we'd punch and one time I bit her bad enough she had a bruise for weeks. Sometimes, emotions get the best of you I guess.

During my sister's college years, she made many choices I didn't agree with, but I still loved her. She suffered through some bad relationships, and had a bad falling out with our dad. Bad enough that they barely talked for several years. Our dad didn't agree with what she was doing in her life...she thought he was being unfair. It was rough. I worked hard the summer I graduated from college to bring them back together. I felt the mistakes weren't worth the estrangement. And finally, they came back together. She grew up and realized her own mistakes, and got on a good and smart path for herself. No longer being so destructive.

Unfortunately, only a year later, my dad got sick. My sister didn't know how to handle it and went on her own way doing her own thing. I was frustrated with her...in part because it was difficult being the caretaker for my dad, but also because I felt she was throwing away the time she had left with him...to each her own... When he passed away, we leaned on each other and continued to do so when my mom fell apart.

We each made choices that neither of us agreed with after my dad passed away and we were grieving. However, my sister did things that hurt me to the core, and I am not one to forgive easily. I need to work on that. B tells me I need to work on it...what good does holding a grudge do? I look at it more as protecting myself...if you hurt me once, why would I put myself in that situation again? Anyway, I was seriously hurt. I didn't talk to her for over 2 years, unless it was to have a screaming match. Really, in the end, what I needed was an apology, and she was unwilling to give it to me. More though, she couldn't seem to figure out what she did that hurt me.

Eventually, she called me and talked to me. She had really thought after our last fight about what it was that might have hurt me. She was sorry. So, we've begun talking again. Although, our relationship is definitely not the same. It is rather scarred and though we are working on it, I wonder if we will ever be as close. I think it is more my fault then hers...but...I find it hard.

Anyway, today is her birthday. And regardless of what has happened in our lives, I am glad she has been there to help me out and support me through everything. She helped me when times weren't easy for me or in our lives, and that can't be forgotten.

Happy Birthday Sis!


JK said...

Hope you don't mind me dropping in. I saw that you are an animal lover and I thought I would check out your blog.
I am impressed with your animal family!!
My husband and I have a daughter, we each have a horse, 1 dog (my dog of 12 years recently passed) and this spring I will be adding kittens, chickens and a garden to our new place. And on Friday, my husband will attempt to purchase some grass and we will then add 15 mamma cows to it.
Live with animals is great! If I were closer to you, I might adopt some of your kittens!!

Stay warm in Ohio and if you can, send some of the moisture our way. We are going to dry up and blow away here in Oklahoma.

Kristen said...

Happy birthday to your sis

Sounds like you guys both have had a lot of hard times. I'm glad you two are able to try again with your relationship. I hope you guys can become close again.
This has really got me thinking about my own family members. I too feel if you hurt me once, twice, and three times...you're OUT. Maybe I'll think more about getting back a relationship with them...maybe

Hope you have a good day
Come by for some cookies...they will make you feel better!

ann ominous said...

it's the hardest thing in the world when your family is the one that hurts you. i hate hate hate it. my mom and i battle nonstop, and she has said and done some really hurtful things that i've had a really hard time forgiving. but, as i have gotten older i've come to realize that i would rather forgive her because when i do.....i hurt less than if i dont.

i hope that you and your sister get closer as the years go by.

Mama Wheaton said...

Forgiveness is the hardest pill to swallow. And sometimes forgetting is even harder. Give yourself permission to take it slow and steady and allow time to do what it does best.

Donn24g said...

Your relationship sounds so similiar to my relationship with my older sister. Actually, she is just about 2 years older, too, and her birthday is tomorrow! THat was a great post about her, maybe she'll read it. Happy birthday to her!

Debi Kelly Van Cleave said...

Sounds like you both care about each other. You may not be the same, you may not make the same choices, you may not be able to control what the other does, but it's obvious you love each other so those other things don't matter--your love for each other is much more important.

Aleta said...

Happy birthday to your sister. I'm glad that you are talking now. Family is precious, even during the difficult times with them..

About forgiving ~ I find if I take it to heart that by forgiving the other person, I'm not just doing it for them ~ but also doing it for me ~ then it helps. Forgiving helps to heal your own wounds too and that helps to open your heart. Sure, it's taking a chance, but sometimes... it's truly worth it.

*hugs* for all you have been through in life and for your sister as well.

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