Happy Birthday Sis

Today is my sister's 29th birthday. I can't say that she is really looking forward to it...knowing that this is her last year before 30. But all in the same, I know she will celebrate and have a good time.

My sister and I were very close growing up. Only 2 years apart, my mom often dressed us a like and for a long time, we pretended we were twins (although, we sure didn't look it...she towered over me). We went through a lot together...especially in the years where my mom's manic depression was at its worst. She tried to protect me from the horrors that would occur when my mom would have an episode, and this meant that she often took the brunt of my mom's psychological breaks. Through everything, we loved each other and supported each other. Although, not to say we always got along. She would often do things and blame them on me...so I would get in trouble. We had some pretty knock down, drag out fights at times too...we'd punch and one time I bit her bad enough she had a bruise for weeks. Sometimes, emotions get the best of you I guess.

During my sister's college years, she made many choices I didn't agree with, but I still loved her. She suffered through some bad relationships, and had a bad falling out with our dad. Bad enough that they barely talked for several years. Our dad didn't agree with what she was doing in her life...she thought he was being unfair. It was rough. I worked hard the summer I graduated from college to bring them back together. I felt the mistakes weren't worth the estrangement. And finally, they came back together. She grew up and realized her own mistakes, and got on a good and smart path for herself. No longer being so destructive.

Unfortunately, only a year later, my dad got sick. My sister didn't know how to handle it and went on her own way doing her own thing. I was frustrated with her...in part because it was difficult being the caretaker for my dad, but also because I felt she was throwing away the time she had left with him...to each her own... When he passed away, we leaned on each other and continued to do so when my mom fell apart.

We each made choices that neither of us agreed with after my dad passed away and we were grieving. However, my sister did things that hurt me to the core, and I am not one to forgive easily. I need to work on that. B tells me I need to work on it...what good does holding a grudge do? I look at it more as protecting myself...if you hurt me once, why would I put myself in that situation again? Anyway, I was seriously hurt. I didn't talk to her for over 2 years, unless it was to have a screaming match. Really, in the end, what I needed was an apology, and she was unwilling to give it to me. More though, she couldn't seem to figure out what she did that hurt me.

Eventually, she called me and talked to me. She had really thought after our last fight about what it was that might have hurt me. She was sorry. So, we've begun talking again. Although, our relationship is definitely not the same. It is rather scarred and though we are working on it, I wonder if we will ever be as close. I think it is more my fault then hers...but...I find it hard.

Anyway, today is her birthday. And regardless of what has happened in our lives, I am glad she has been there to help me out and support me through everything. She helped me when times weren't easy for me or in our lives, and that can't be forgotten.

Happy Birthday Sis!